Grief is something everyone faces in their lifetime. The definition of grief is "a normal response to losing something of significance in one's life." Most people think of grief as losing a loved one, but it goes way beyond that. Many today feel some connection to the collective grief of mass shootings, the demise of Mother Earth, and other societal calamities. We feel grief when we divorce, when we leave a community, and when we face significant health challenges that impact our energy and mobility. We experience grief with trauma and significant neglect. Even such things as shame hold elements of grief.
Grief is a heavy energy that is truly unbearable on one's own. Ideally friends and family are supportive and available, but that is the exception rather than the rule. Western society is not filled with people that are comfortable sitting with another in pain, especially a pain that often calls one to come face-to-face with their own mortality. This is where professional support can be needed to break the isolation that otherwise comes with grief.
Grief work is highly relational work. Dr. Alan Wolfelt describes the notion of "companioning" someone in their grief. All 11 tenets he outlines are available in the link here (https://www.centerforloss.com/2019/12/eleven-tenets-of-companioning/) but suffice it to say it is about sitting with someone in spaciousness, acceptance, unknowing, and presence. This is the foundation of healing from grief. Beyond that, we also work with people to look at the impact grief is having on their life emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and relationally. We also help people to identify what their needs are in this very difficult stage of life and find ways to have them met.
So far we have only looked at the downside of grief, and there are many. Another thing to remember though is grief offers one of the most significant opportunities for transformation in one's life. We are not the same person after we've gone through a difficult loss. While many people ascribe to the notion of the "new normal" as a diminished state of life, it does not have to be that in the long run. Doing the work necessary for deep healing can open up one's heart and possibility in one's life beyond what existed before the loss. A quote from Maya Angelou describes this beautifully, "I will be affected by things that happen to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." Grief will "reduce" us in the short term, inviting us to that always-difficult surrender, but that does not need to be a permanent state.
Working through all grief is hard, deep work. Stigmatized grief such as that associated with suicide or overdose requires even more ability to companion the bereaved. Other types of grief that require specific expertise include complicated grief, disenfranchised grief, and cumulative grief. Believe in the possibility of healing from grief and reach out for support to work through this very painful time in your life
Grief is a heavy energy that is truly unbearable on one's own. Ideally friends and family are supportive and available, but that is the exception rather than the rule. Western society is not filled with people that are comfortable sitting with another in pain, especially a pain that often calls one to come face-to-face with their own mortality. This is where professional support can be needed to break the isolation that otherwise comes with grief.
Grief work is highly relational work. Dr. Alan Wolfelt describes the notion of "companioning" someone in their grief. All 11 tenets he outlines are available in the link here (https://www.centerforloss.com/2019/12/eleven-tenets-of-companioning/) but suffice it to say it is about sitting with someone in spaciousness, acceptance, unknowing, and presence. This is the foundation of healing from grief. Beyond that, we also work with people to look at the impact grief is having on their life emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and relationally. We also help people to identify what their needs are in this very difficult stage of life and find ways to have them met.
So far we have only looked at the downside of grief, and there are many. Another thing to remember though is grief offers one of the most significant opportunities for transformation in one's life. We are not the same person after we've gone through a difficult loss. While many people ascribe to the notion of the "new normal" as a diminished state of life, it does not have to be that in the long run. Doing the work necessary for deep healing can open up one's heart and possibility in one's life beyond what existed before the loss. A quote from Maya Angelou describes this beautifully, "I will be affected by things that happen to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." Grief will "reduce" us in the short term, inviting us to that always-difficult surrender, but that does not need to be a permanent state.
Working through all grief is hard, deep work. Stigmatized grief such as that associated with suicide or overdose requires even more ability to companion the bereaved. Other types of grief that require specific expertise include complicated grief, disenfranchised grief, and cumulative grief. Believe in the possibility of healing from grief and reach out for support to work through this very painful time in your life
Grief Treatment Practitioners on Staff
Ann E O'Neil, LCSWA, LCASA (she/her)
Kiel Frett, LCMHC, LCAS (he/him)